Former Christian apologizes for being such a huge shit head for all those years

28 January 2010 | 122 Comments

As a former zealous right-wing Catholic who years ago ditched all that in favor of using the mind, in reading this, I felt I could repeat this almost word-for-word. So here it is with my emphases and commentary…

1. I apologize to all the homosexuals. I am sorry that I believed in a religion that condemns you. I am sorry that for many years I thought that the bible was right in it’s condemnation of homosexuality. I am sorry that when I no longer thought the bible was right about homosexuality being a sin, I did not raise a gigantic stink about it every Sunday right in the middle of the sermon… week after week after week… until the church issued a restraining order against me and I could no longer come within a hundred feet of the sanctuary.

This is a worse for me having tolerated the irrational moralizing and thrown stones and from the safety of the closet those years ago. I was a really big shit head on this one.

2. I apologize to everyone on the face of the earth that has not accepted Jesus christ as their personal savior because I believed that you were all going to hell. This includes Muslims, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, Pagans, Environmentalists, Democrats, Movie Stars (especially Tom Cruise), Scientologists, University Professors, Physicists, Geneticists, Europeans, Women’s Studies Majors, Feminists, Millionaires, Billionaires, Hippies, Atheists, Agnostics, Astrologers, People who read their horoscopes, People who watch Bay Watch, Vegetarians, J.K Rowling, Bill Gates, All High-School Biology Teachers who teach evolution and P.E .Teachers who teach a yearly unit on sex-ed..

3. I apologize to all my former Sunday school students because I taught you that the bible was the word of god. I perpetuated a myth that the bible is a special book that should be regarded ‘much more highly than it ought’. I encouraged you to trust this book, to think this book contained sacred ideas about life and god. I made you think that the stories in the bible were intrinsically valuable and could teach you about how god works and who god is. I apologize for always referring to god as a ‘he’, thereby further anthropomorphizing a pretend deity and making you think ‘he’ was real and decidedly masculine. I apologize for teaching you to think that you were a sinner and that Jesus had to die for you when you are really just a beautiful child, perfect in every way from the minute you were born (except for when you aren’t). I apologize for telling you that Jesus conquered death and that you should put your trust in him when there is not a shred of evidence of the resurrection except for what is in the bible. I apologize for not respecting your intelligence and glazing over thorny issues and rationalizing all the bullshit that is so present at all times in ‘god’s word’. (I apologize for saying bullshit in this apology). I apologize for ever calling the bible ‘god’s word’. It isn’t ‘god’s word’. It’s just a book. There are a lot of other much better books. There are books that helped humanity move beyond misogyny and slavery and tyranny. There are books that led to scientific discoveries which led to medicine and helpful machines and made the world a better place. None of those books are in the bible. In fact, the bible helps people to justify misogyny and tyranny and slavery and the bible made church leaders fear science and so they burned scientists and doctors and smart people because what those smart people were learning was often in direct conflict with what the bible and the church taught. I apologize for not telling you that the bible and christianity are two of the main reasons that it took people so long to move from tyranny into democracy, from slavery to human rights, from cruel religious mandates to civil law. I hope someday you will figure that out for yourselves in spite of what I taught you..

When I was a seminarian I taught Sunday school, contributing to the corruption of young minds and demanded blind unthinking submission to the ‘infalliable’ Pope of Rome and the hierarchy united with him. The pope and bishops are an anachronistic institution that perpetuates the biggest scam in the world.

4. I apologize for giving money to the church. I apologize for helping to support and pay for a building that stands empty six days a week. I apologize for giving my hard earned cash to pay an enormous utility bill on a mostly empty church building. I wish I would have given all that money to alleviate real human suffering. To purify drinking water, to build a third world hospital, to educate a child living in a slum, to improve an orphanage, to further research on diseases, to clothe the naked, feed the hungry, heal the sick, reform the prisoners, but instead so much of my available funds have up until now, been sucked into a huge building that gets used once a week by wealthy over -fed Americans who get upset if the sanctuary is not adequately cooled in July.

What’s funny is that at least in my circles, open charity was almost completely lacking. What a huge failure to live the legendary message of Jesus. “Amen I say to you, whatsoever you do to the least of my brethren, you did it to me.” Matthew 25:40

5. I apologize for believing all sorts of mad things that are seriously messed up and incredibly hurtful to my fellow humans. Things like god causes the sins of the parents to punish the children and the grandchildren (which some christians use to explain birth defects). Things like excusing the extra creepy stuff in the bible (slavery, misogyny, genocide) based on ‘historical context’ instead of just insisting that it was wrong back then and it’s wrong now. I apologize for things like teaching the stories of big bible heroes like Abraham and Jacob and not insisting that taking a slave for a wife was a hideous violation of human rights because having a slaveand then raping a slave and then fathering children with a slave is no way for anyone to EVER behave even if you are a BIBLE BIGWIG. I apologize for thinking it is okay for god to ask a person (Abraham) to murder their child to prove their faith and even thinking that if I really loved god, I too must be willing to murder my child if god asked me. I apologize for things like thinking that I had ever done anything so terrible… so horrible.. so AWFUL to warrant someone else to have to die on a cross for me. (Hey! I am far from perfect, but no one should have to be tortured and slowly murdered for my eternal salvation).

It’s like I say, the Islamic-Judeo-Christian God needs therapy.

6. I apologize to my kids for being a passive aggressive christian mom. For saying things to them like ‘”if you are lying to me, god knows. He knows you are lying so you better not be lying because he knows. God knows everything. Are you lying? Because if you are lying god can tell. You can lie to your mom but you can’t lie to god. God sees everything. Are you lying? You better not be lying to me because even if I don’t know – god knows” … etc etc etc…

Well I was never a mom, but I did try to extract obedience by youth in my charge by blackmailing them with religious bull shit.

7. Finally, I apologize for allowing my faith to numb my response to the problems of the world. So when there was injustice, or crime, or pain, or hunger, or illness, or ignorance, or war, or greed, or tyranny, or slavery or abuse, or addiction, or pollution, or natural disasters – I believed that god was taking care of it and I didn’t really have to do anything… (except pray). Because it was god’s will… and god was using these bad things to teach me compassion… or patience… or that satan was ‘the ruler of this world’… or that we should forgive… or god was ‘perfecting’ us… or ‘disciplining’ us. (Boy! god sure disciplines the hell out of Africa doesn’t he?) I was taught that all you have to do to get into ‘heaven’ is accept Jesus as your savior. You can do good things if you want, but good deeds are not getting your ass into heaven. So why would I bother helping out? My ass was already saved!

Sadly this is also too true.

For all these things I am truly sorry and I most humbly repent…

AND plan to make changes, repair damages and do the hokey pokey and turn myself around.

So Be It,

Rechelle

By the way, Rechelle’s blog is pretty cool. Please pay her a visit at http://mysistersfarmhouse.com.

BerryPye

Thank you. I checked out Rechelle's blog – and enjoyed it thoroughally. What a pity she no longer reads her email because of the thousands of nasty little hate mails from god-fearing Christians who don't have to behave well in order to be “saved”. Otherwise, I would say a very large THANK YOU to Rechelle as well.
http://www.pochoblog.com James Reyes

Hi Berry,

I can relate to what Rechelle is talking about. It's interesting that the worst e-mail I get is from so-called “Good Christians.”

James
joe2111

I agree with everything you've said here. I have one question, how did you manage to enter the seminary?
http://www.pochoblog.com James Reyes

Well growing up I wanted to be a Catholic priest. I left the seminary early in my rethinking process and then eventually the church altogether.

I was a pretty hard-core social rightie back in the day.
http://www.youtube.com/user/NaomiChambers Naomi Chambers

fantastic blog!
Aspy

From Ricky Gervais, on mysistersfarmhouse: “Why did god make me an atheist?” PS: Why offer “posting as a guest” when it's not allowed?
luygouygouyg

chill out fellah. No confessionals needed here.
god123

funny.
parisw

You should apologize for be Ignorant of the fact for denying the GOD that created you. The fool says in his heart, there is no GOD. Quit while your'e ahead, your'e still decieving the people with this blog.
fdvce

lol
taz38

exellent!!!
http://fergenmeistersblog.wordpress.com/ mcfergie

Wow..I wish all my fellow Christians would read MY blog. It was all inspired by a Facebook friend request from someone I haven't seen for 30 years. Maybe they wouldn't be so judgemental…

http://fergenmeister.wordpress.com/
http://twitter.com/Snapperpacheco Lana pacheco

I accept your brave apology.
floit63

It's entirely possible to believe in G-d without believing in the Christian faith. It's even possible to believe in the basic idea that Jesus was the messiah while still feeling that human involvement has corrupted the modern day church. Not my opinion on the matter, but don't act as if there is only fundamentalist Christianity and atheism.
joezamecki

I was inspired by the concept of this article, so I made a video along the same theme. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hy0n8N8OLdM

It sure would be neat if other ex-Christians were to do this as well. Like the Blasphemy Challenge, I'm sure there are lots of ex-Christians who regret having helped that religion.
http://www.pochoblog.com James Reyes

I'm really enjoying reading everyone's comments here.

I have wanted to spend more time writing about my experiences in the right and more specifically in fundamentalist Catholic circles. Looking back at it, the people and situations were very bizarre. I think I shy away from being too personal in this blog, but perhaps there is a lot to be gained by sharing them.

Stay tuned.
http://www.pochoblog.com James Reyes

Thanks for sharing that joezamecki.
ishaethera

Fucking awesome! AMEN
not_you_foo

I appreciate the apology, but it's not the religion that forced this, it's their own lack of willingness to think for themselves. I consider myself a Christian and don't have to apologize for any of that stuff (as I've never done it).
gw49

Sorry to hear the loss for faith. There are many explanations for such harsh decisions. The one which sticks out in my mind is that of justifications for actions. But, I will not condone the poor treatment of another human being. This is not about people’s unwillingness to think. This is about people pushing their ideology. And I might add, this is most common amongst liberals.
James, you were never Catholic, you belonged to an ultra conservative non-catholic sect or cult. That in no way represented the Catholic Church or its thinking. They were and are some of the most vile human beings know to man…. And the seminary you attended, well, it wasnt a real seminary just a home school for wacked out ultra trads. However, the Church is accepting to all people, and most importantly there are absolutes in life no matter what you believe.

George
boandamber

Live in Christ and HIS love for us…. Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.” Don't make it harder than it is…LIVE IN HIM!
Silentium

James, while I appreciate your honesty in explanation of a contemptuous heart towards others that did not follow in the footsteps of a Gospel that you once believed was relevant, I am saddened to hear of your conclusions. It appears as though the topic that got the ball rolling was the condemning attitude that was displayed towards homosexuals. If I might possibly offer another perspective on this subject, it would be that Christ said that he did not come to condemn the world (Jn.3:17) but to save it. Therefore, you were truly under no obligation to attack them. We can acknowledge the fact that someone is living a life apart from God while still treating them kindly in an attempt to change the heart that distances itself. The defining factor for whether something is right or wrong is by an examination of the life that is reproduced. Trees reproduce fruit, flowers pollinate, insects and animals reproduce offspring, etc. A homosexual cannot. The fact that two men cannot reproduce life is verification of its deadness. I say this not to insult but merely a look at what is obvious. I am much more curious as to the pain, wounds, heartache, etc. that causes a man to seek the affection of another when it cannot produce life and therefore testify to that inherent life. In closing, I would also tell you that standing on the side of the 'right' should never be equivocated with Godliness. There may be platforms on the politically conservative side of the isle that find themselves in agreement with Christian premises but that does not make them believers and we should never have to scream that down someone's throat. The goal is not to convert someone to conservatism or a Bible but the reality of the God of the Bible. Nothing else matters.
justag3rl

Rechelle,

I grew up in a very conservative Catholic home, a home where many of my relatives were involved in the church – a priest for an uncle, three great aunts who were nuns, my mother taught bible studies, and there was a definite expectation that I was to share these same beliefs. I was sent to Catholic boarding school, attended church more than regularly, and came away from it never truly understanding their devotion to this religion. As a result, the nuns disowned me from the family and my uncle often accused me of being a hippie. I studied ancient religion for a few years in University, which made the acceptance of this religion even harder for me.
For example, did you know that in ancient Rome, the cult of Dionysus (the god of wine and lust) was celebrated on December 25th until the Roman government decided to replace this day of worship to Jesus Christ. A day many falsely believe is the day Jesus was born.
Anyway, that isn't the point. The point is, I admire your apology because you are right. How can we believe in something that hurts so many other people. I remember the last day I went to church. During the sermon, the priest stated we must forgive our neighbours, but only if they are Catholic. It makes me sad to think that people actually believe in this. The Roman Catholic Church is one of the most richest organizations in the world, with the power to help masses, and yet they don't. It is a religion based on pagan mythology adapted to their doctrine, claiming to be the absolute truth. A religion that has ignored the valuable role that women played in the spread of Christianity. I truly believe that Mary Magdalen for example was Jesus's wife. Not a prostitute. In a very few obscure texts you can find references to women disciples, yet the church would never admit this.
For those of you who responded negatively claiming it is a loss of faith, It isn't. I believe in something more powerful than us. But it is about love and respect for all people, no matter their faith or colour. I feel for sorry for those narrow minded people who can't see this.
Rechelle, your apology moved me. It spoke all of the words I wish I could express, but you did it more beautifully. Thank you.
gw49

“I remember the last day I went to church. During the sermon, the priest stated we must forgive our neighbours, but only if they are Catholic. It makes me sad to think that people actually believe in this. The Roman Catholic Church is one of the most richest organizations in the world, with the power to help masses, and yet they don't. It is a religion based on pagan mythology adapted to their doctrine, claiming to be the absolute truth.” Wow, I am a Catholic and they never have said anything close to this and why are we collecting money to help those in Haiti? How about the powerful efforts of the Catholic Charities? I quite frankly don't believe a word you said…..
hw49

glad to see i'm not the only one.
coleheisey

I accept your apology. Sadly millions are left…
justag3rl

lol. I hesitated posting a response to your earlier post, but stopped my self. I'm sorry you feel this way.
justag3rl

you are probably a conservative too. ;(
shadeilmaendu

The day I stopped believing was the day a friend cried in my living room, because his uncle, who had just died recently, was not a Christian and therefore burning in hell as we spoke. I could never believe in a god who would condemn a good person, simply because they used their free will rather than allow themselves to be slaves to some silly, invisible diety. I feel that Im a lot better off now, and Im glad that you saw the light. I accept your apology.
johnanthon

informative and excellent!!
Anonymous

P.S Good article James, apology accepted.
Anonymous

God didn’t create man, it’s the other way around. A Christian accusing someone of ignorance….that’s the funniest thing I’ve read all day.
Anonymous

I’d say the true fool is someone who believes in something with no facts, evidence or education on the subject. Faith is so intellectually feeble it can’t be used to justify anything realistically.

Let me ask you this. When you decided to worship God why did you become a Christian? Why not a Jew, or a Muslim or a Mormon for that matter? What makes all these other faiths wrong and yours right?
Anonymous

I hear that alot. “that human involvement has corrupted the modern day church”. Or some variation of it. I’d argue that the opposite is more true. I don’t think mankind has perverted religion, I think it’s religion that has perverted mankind.
Anonymous

I’d be more willing to say that certain aspects of religion have helped cause the perversion of mankind, but it comes down to about the same thing. Difficult to evolve mentally and emotionally if you believe that the magical man in the sky is going to make everything better anyway.
Luder714

You said it yorself. The church is collecting money for Haiti, nut using their own
http://twitter.com/Ellie_Moondog Ellie Moondog

As a vegetarian, I accept your apology. LOL
http://twitter.com/MsMsBurning Lori Kincses

Apology accepted!
chilerose

So by your rationale, two people past reproductive age who fall in love are doomed to “pain, wounds, heartache, etc” because they are unable to reproduce? What about those who are infertile? Is fertility the only acceptable outcome of a relationship? Hmmmm…
joeshmo

Wow, what brought that on?

At any rate:
Two thumbs up on #4

I saw through this crap ever since I was a kid. In my eyes it's very wrong for a priest to own a 7 figure river front property plus his house a Porsche and a Mercedes Benz. And then have the audacity to send the offering plate back out for the 2nd time because “people are not giving enough”. Absolutely criminal.
alegenoa

This entire page is an incredible (yet common, thus credible) display of ignorance and arrogance.
It's also disconcerting to see such a piece, clearly coming from a reformed, possibly fundamentalist, typical American church, being commented as a proper rebuttal to the Catholic faith. You must have experienced a very Protestant-flavored catholicism, and it shows.
http://www.pochoblog.com James Reyes

Before commenting, thoroughly read what you are commenting on. This was written by a Protestant. As noted above this was written on the MySistersFarmhouse blog and are not my words.
loriburdette

As someone who lives in the Bible belt and has been the target of such things her whole life… (I am irreligious) I accept Rechelle's and your apology. Thank you for giving it. Really it touched me. I only wish I could tell Rechelle how much it means to me. Thank you both.
Anonymous

No, you are correct and that does raise a good point. Some people may
simply choose to accept a marriage without producing children but the *
inherent* biological truth still remains: the *ability* or to use a better
word, *potency*, still exists to procreate, thereby “verifying” the
fruitfulness and life of the relationship. Should the couple produce a
child unexpectedly, this will have only verified what was present all along:
the *infrastructure* of what was formerly a dormant relationship for
procreation now provides the *necessary* means to produce life. Also, the
reference to “pain, wounds, heartache, etc” was descriptive of the
*causes*that allow someone to enter into a lifeless relationship, not
the effects
and therefore “doom”.
noah119

ummm, im pretty sure everyone is collecting money to help those in haiti. And we dont have aspirations of spreading beliefs on the side. People don't raise money to help disaster sufferers because they will improve their stock in gods eyes but because they know as a fellow human it is the right thing to do. I “pray” that you do not think that christian based charities are any better than those that are areligeous. their only advantage being an enormous base of mindless followers willing to give money to whatever 'father pat' requests.
michaelwinn

Careful now, Rechelle, we don't want to throw out the baby with the holy water. The abuse of tradition is not the fault of the tradition but the thoughtlessness of the abuser. Though it is clear some traditions are more vulnerable than others, Einstein was pointing to the underlying problem when he cautioned that it is impossible to underestimate the stupidity of human beings.
Bethel2010

Hey. Some of the points you bring up just don't make sense with me such as”I apologize for giving my hard earned cash to pay an enormous utility bill on a mostly empty church building. I wish I would have given all that money to alleviate real human suffering.” So why didn't you give your money to people in need. Being a christian or believer does not mean you have to give money to church, if you think its dumb or don't does not make sense to you then why would you do it. I feel that a lot of people see christian as robots and that you have to be certain type of person. Well believe it or not everyone makes mistakes christian or not. Everyone thinks and acts different. Also for point 7 read Romans you might change paragraph after.
evans_user_name

That's right on no evidence for the crucifixion. Including Jesus' body. They never found that.

It's super easy, easy as hell really, to give up on faith that is difficult sometimes. The world has a hedge set up around the church, welcoming people into human tradition that has no good foundation for ethics or morals. No God means no good reason for existence and no free will. Did I have to say that? Without God, it's just might-makes-right like communist China; “let's go execute the opposition.”
Anonymous

Of course not. They hang on to their own money. How could they pay millions in lawsuit settlements without blinking an eye?
Dave030966

I could be mistaken, but didn't the Catholic Church, or some archdiocese in the US, within the last few years, settle some of the molestation allegations against priests to the tune of several million dollars? I bet it barely made a dent in their holdings, but rather than just cut a huge check for Haiti (I know they don't have to), they solicit donations from church members who are already in a tough economy, and although not FORCED to donate, are digging in their pockets anyway because the church says so.